Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
