I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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