hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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