She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
