defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
