I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
the liver wants what the liver wants
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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