i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Randomize
