Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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