I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
please don't ironically join a cult
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