I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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