Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
