You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize