Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
