after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
