Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
