turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
