i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize