So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
