And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
