Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
