It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
