I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
