Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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