I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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