I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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