you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize