Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize