How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
