So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
