note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
