Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize