you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
