Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
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