They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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