Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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