we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
