the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
