"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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