no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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