Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
