I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
