there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
