I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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