found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
