I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
