why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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