just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
