Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
