she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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