why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
