I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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