so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
