I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
