loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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