is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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