if you like me you must not know who I am
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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