Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
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