so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
