You just made me feel so damn special
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I will pee on everything he values.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
