C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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