please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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