One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have aggressive nipples.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
