apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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