The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
