you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
