i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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