I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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