she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
