i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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