Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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