I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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